Lab Бендлер: Искусство флирта

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Субтитры с видео, не вычитанные, но гуггл рулит :)) flirt what a silly idea to put on a class about flirting silly enough that it's worth brewing it occurred to me a long time ago I used to think the major disease to plague the world with seriousness that's why we began the international society to the eradication of seriousness headed up by why it would small now we went for years and years and years I tried to do things to get people to to have a sense of humor I decided after a period of time that serious wasn't a seriousness wasn't the problem at all seriousness was a symptom rather rampant symptom in our society especially in some of our institutions of higher learning or if that was like that they call it academic education there's sort of a nice ambiguity if you think about it that one of the things that happened is is that it's time went along I started finding out what it is that makes people so serious and one of the things is is that they're just lonely the thing about flirting is is that I hope you guys don't have flirting mixed up with seduction because the seduction seminar comes later see I started writing a book called called patterns of seduction and doing the research for years it's tough work but someone has to do it you know I've you know for years I've been dedicating myself to this just for your benefit that one of the things that I wanted to do was to find a way because one of the things that I've encountered having traveled all across the country and having taught as many seminars as I have I was on the laughter and play to her for a long time do you know that I have people complain I was not serious enough on a laughter and play conference boy that's serious but one of the things that I noticed through the years of doing all these things is that one of the things that people did not know how to do was how to enjoy themselves and play and be friendly now the thing is is that as I saw people one of the things that I noticed is that there seemed to be a dichotomy on one side there's guys driving down the street leaning out the window going now I want to know has that ever worked for one guy anywhere on the face of the earth right now on the other side of the coin I saw guys you know because I mean you travel around you sit in hotels you know you get a little bored you go down down and they usually have a disco in them and I'd see guys and they'd be sitting there looking cool hair blown dried gold chain around the neck sitting there looking suave some woman had given I from across the room he'd look at his friends he'd stand up take two steps and gravity would strike hard and ethics by the third step four the fourth step his internal dialogue started in on him what if she rejects you doo doo doo doo by the time he got over there he was a babbling fool he couldn't tell her his name because he didn't know what it was now the thing is is how can anybody get so serious about something so simple now the thing is I've noticed that that in this move through the world the darks there are a lot of people that know how to flirt and how to enjoy it one of the things that that I thought would be nice is if there were more people like that because the thing about people who are able to be comfortable flirting and flattering people is that they're more fun to be around here's two things I want you to keep in mind as you go through this seminar for any of you in here who have suffered from what I refer to as the the Wallflower syndrome the one thing I'd like to tell you is that all of that internal experience that you generate in order to make it seem so important and such a big in of it I'll tell you how to our client I did a private session I don't do too many of those but recently I've been seeing clients again I had a guy who had a phobia of women he was terrified of them you know what this guy does he goes in he skis down mountains jumps off of those high things and stuff like that and he's afraid of women right honey they're more fun too that's the whole point yeah the thing is is that for somebody who can jump off a mountain fly through the air it seems to me that being able to walk across the room should be that tough the hard part of it was what went on on the inside now there's certain things that we're going to do in the course of this seminar and I wanted to just sort of run through it a little bit ahead of time the big things that I noticed that get in people's way are number one is that they're not in the mood to start with there's a lot of people that are just afraid there are some people that have guilt now you will definitely get in your way if you think that and then there are people who are who are afraid of rejection now what I want you to think about in the wallflower syndrome is real simple wallflowers are the worst egotists in the world and for any of you who suffer from the wallflower syndrome I want you to know you get no sympathy from me I'm going to change it and change it right now because think of how unkind it is of you people who know how bad it is to be lonely and to sit by yourself to be willing to sit there and let somebody else did across the room and suffer that way it's very unkind who is right now this seminar is designed to give you a set of tools two kinds one has to do with the inside of your head being able to change your mind as we say in such a way that you can change number one your mood which is what we're going to start with here but the other thing is is to be able to change it in such a way that the things that got in your way like guilt fear anxiety you know all the things that lead to heavy gravity phenomenon the things the other thing part of heavy gravity is that you start being willing to hesitate and I found out that he who hesitates waits and waits and waits and the longer you wait the harder it gets by the time you work up the courage and walk across the room there ain't nobody there now what I wanted to start with was a little something because I know for how many of you have never been in an NLP seminar this is a real weird place to start I just wanted to point that out to you but it might be the best place who knows well we won't know till we find out now the thing is what I want you to do is to close your eyes for a minute and I want you to find in your own memory a time and a place where you felt playful maybe even flirtatious for some of you it may be way back there but we were all teenagers once that's when we thought we were mortal invincible and could get away with lying about anything not all of us think that but I know most of us that grew up in California did those were the 60s and Stephen still says anybody who says they can remember the 60s wasn't there now when you think back what I want you to do is in your mind take that memory the first thing I want you to do is I want you to look at where the images are in your mind they are your images to the right to the left of your visual field are they up are they down and I want you to take the image that's there in your mind and I want you to crank it up and make it brighter and as you make it brighter I want you to notice whether or not it intensifies your feelings for most people making pictures brighter makes the feelings stronger for some making it darker whichever it is make it a little brighter then make it a little dimmer and notice which one intensifies your feelings then what I want you to do is take the image in your mind and move it closer to you and then pull it back away from you and notice which one makes your feelings more intense goosebumps are nice see you're sitting next to her this is the part where you're supposed to do you know what anchoring means crisp okay let me show you what anchoring is come on up here I'll shut I'll show you this is sit down here there's the thing about anchoring you know anchoring is just a piece of terminology and NLP terms basically it's you know the old story about Pavlov and the dog right you know they came out and they showed the dog food they went food and the dog when I started salivating they went mean they rang a tuning fork right then after a while they could go out and go bring the tuning fork and the dog would just sounded but the part they always forget to tell you that I love that of the research is after a while they kept ringing the tuning fork and the dog started to snap at the tuning fork it was hungry so give me something to eat there now thing is is okay close your eyes okay what I want you to do is go back and think about the time that you were thinking about time pleasurable now I want you to make that picture big and bright that's right real bright okay make it bigger and closer that's right now if you learn to touch precisely you can come on back now that's enough pleasure for the mortgage we get into the real fun stuff in the afternoon now the thing is is if you notice there were certain kinds of changes in your face your color things like your lower lip got bigger these are what are known as green lights Chris right and see most of the time we want green lights right sometimes we don't but I mean you know that depends but it's always nice to be able to tell which ones are which right and also to influence which ones are there now the nice thing is is that if you learn to touch real precisely any experience that someone has anything they feel you can literally set up a stimulus to get back it's one of the things we're going to use to make sure that we change a lot of the things that people have like instead instead of being afraid tuitions wouldn't you rather be curious well we have a way where you get to trade feelings it's kinda like a swap meet you know you just bring in your junky feelings and you walk out with better ones I was told I was told recently by uh someone I went to a conference and I did a demonstration of this and someone told me that that that if you do this that that as quickly as we do it with our work he said it's bad and I said why what's so bad about being able to change quickly and he looked at me and he said I'm a psychiatrist I will be out of a job something which appeals to my inner nature now if you watch just close your eyes see that doesn't work now the thing is is that when you learn when you learn to do when you learn to touch precisely I've been doing this for a while it's not my first time that one of the things is is that not only can you use this as a technique right for being able to change people but then it also does open up the opportunity that when you get signals like for example some of the people in here are married to one another couples of one form or another one of the nice things to do is is instead of waiting until your wife is in a terrible mood right and going up and hugging her so that in the future when you hug her it will put her in a bad mood which it's a technique that most of us men use so that after a while that a woman doesn't want to have anything to do with us right it's sort of an unconscious process that instead what you do is you wait till they're in a great mode right and then what you do is you go gee you look so happy right and then you wait you like this not Chris well she does raise certain possibilities you have to admit Godin set was going to be hard to flirt that's it the only thing is you just have to get the right ideas in someone's mind and you have to have them once you get a response then all you got to do is hold on to it so to speak now until you you can go sit down there Thank You sugar now what I want you to do is to consider the fact that if you stop and look at that time where you were having a good time and should go back and look at it take a look at it look at where it is listen to the how the sound is look at the size of the picture you have then what I want you to do is don't you to stop clear your mind for a moment and then I want you to think about the last time that you wanted to flirt and didn't okay you wouldn't watch a girl now you are exempt from this exercise you're probably probably the first baby that before she cried still looked up and winked at the doctor he slapped around the but she said that's nice do that again now I know how you are you're not serious like me it all held your breath on that one okay now the thing is is that what I want you to do is now when you is to compare is there any difference between the first and the second set in other words when you think of a time where you you you wanted to flirt and didn't and you think is the time that you are really having a good time what I want you to consider is are the pictures in the same place okay Jeff come on up here man your clothes come on up here and sit sit down here I want you to do is to consider okay for example was there with the pictures that you made in a different location yes okay which ones were where when I'm confident I'm looking straight out homo slightly down okay so the pictures are like readout about here right about there yeah and when I'm like that's why when you're a geek yeah when it's like it's like I'm I feel like a little so your pictures are up yeah like way okay so alright just draw a line down the blackboard okay and put playful on one side and geek on the other hey we can make it nice names like insecure now how about distance is one closer than the other one yeah the one I'm more compromised if the closer okay so all right so what you do is you put first you put okay on you go right visual up higher yeah and okay and I'm playful straight ahead and closer now how about are they both in color yeah okay both in color they're both movies no or slides first one the one well actually I'm getting two pictures this is first range the one that I feel good about it it's definitely a movie yeah and there's others like action all around me and the one I'm thinking right now that just the one it's always like a steel frame okay still yeah we have this weird still picture up there off in the distance looking down it yeah yeah it makes you feel real cool you know makes feel real casual if if something hovering over your head that's about to hit you is there any other difference so they both have sounder what else no actually the one I'm thinking of is silent the geek we're calling it yeah it's silent what about the other one no that's a lot of bubbly laughs okay you make a lot of pictures like that one okay just just when you want to meet someone yeah yeah just when you go out a public place yeah right see see a nice pretty girl over there you know and what you do is you stop all the bubbly pictures knock them out of your mind right go up and get the geek pictures up there get yourself ready right right then you try them out do you find one that's really horrible right and as soon as you get yourself frozen with anxiety then what you do is you go fuck it it's not worth it I want to talk to her that bad yeah that's about sums it up I know a lot guys do it that way yo I don't I didn't care about her anyway okay so what else what is there any other things like this what I want you to do is try something like I want you to go back and and think about the last time that you flirted and didn't okay alright now when when you think about that how do you feel what oh not re good that very good not not very good yeah but how do you feel that's what you need to think that I like that this is what I'm not feeling okay so you feel a little tense I caged it while you were up there thought I had to go back and read it changed never mind what you do change it into this one I can't bend this one yeah oh okay well has the field well that's why I was just going to tell you the biggest jump narrowing it down for me all right see all right you lowered it down mm-hmm what else did you do did you put sound in it I put sound and especially around me okay and when you look at it now how do you feel completely different completely different mm-hmm all right now I tell you what just for the hell of it I have an idea watch the pictures you see through right back up there don't get nervous keep it down here what I want you to do is I want you to look around this room and think is there somebody here you'd like to flirt with pick one let's pick Mary okay take somebody harder no it's okay you can think whatever you want that's one of the nice things about so you know the nice thing about flirting is that is that you know there are a lot of people that are worried about if they flirt with somebody the person is going to reject them and see I figure that's the best deal in town because if you enjoy flirting you can flirt with anybody and even if they reject you you still get to feel good and they feel bad it's really quite a bargain and also just statistically if you flirt with more people than anyone else statistically you're going to bat better numbers I mean not not even if even if you have terrible flirting skills if you just flirt constantly the odds are going to be in your favor anyway what I want you to do is to consider that if you stop now and think about not just here but but you consider what you're going to do in the seminar right for the next couple of days what I want you to do is to put it in a picture here okay yeah once you once you go sit down thank you Jeff she give Jeff a hand oh thank you these people are so organized I'm not used to all this organization but I said when I started doing the flirting seminars and I said I wanted couples to come I always get the same response people go couples and a flirting seminar complete disbelief we were you know it's like well what would they do there you know and I always say well shit think about a couples have more of an opportunity to flirt than anyone you know that and more of use for it to that I mean it seems to me that you know flirting with the person you live with isn't a half-bad idea the thing about flirting that I want you to be able to get into is that there are several dimensions of it one of the first ones is is that the rule of thumb to make it flirting is the concept of come away closer that it's this that you know the idea of flirting is to be playful enough to get to know somebody without having to get make a commitment I mean it's just a chance to get to know somebody it's a chance to be able to find out some things about them now one of the things is about flirting is is that is that you will discover as you go through this that all flirting is based on body asymmetry that you know if you walk up and you go hi how are you you know it doesn't quite have the tinge of flirting to it you know immediately I start going they're going to sell me something the thing is is with flirting with flirting it's a whole other thing that the angle of your body the way in which you move should always create lines that are in angles so even as you start doing the exercise what I want you to do is to sit down in this exercise and what I want you to do is to find the most flirtatious and the most playful experience that this person has because in their past and I want you to go through and on your little list I want you to find out what the difference between that is and the way that they flirt most of the time that whatever it is that brought them to a flirting class the thing is is that the best you have whether it whether it was a long time ago whether it was just with a particular person maybe it was because you were drunk the thing is is that what I want you to do is to start off because I want you also in this seminar to find out where your hesitation lies that as you look on your list what I want you to do is just look on the list pick out a couple of flirting things and get up and scan the room real quick and find somebody you don't know unless you're in a couple if you're in a couple I prefer you do these things with each other it will help you and the thing is is what I want you to do is to go through and find out the difference between the experience when and this is just the sub modalities where are the pictures where the size of the pictures because when you think about one what's going to happen is is it's going to make you feel that way and in terms of learning to change your mood the thing that I want you to do is depict is to compare that with the way they feel when they hesitate in flirting now because we're going to go through and we're going to knockout we're going to get rid of hesitation we're going to get rid of fear and we're going to get rid of guilt and then we're going to rock and roll if you know what I mean so what I want to do is to get the work out of the way this morning so what I want you to do is to find yourself a partner and they don't you don't have to know what's in these images this is all private the only thing I want you do is to go through with your partner and just say have them do one have them think think of the one that was where they're the most playful they've ever been and then compare it with when they hesitate about flirting and that playfulness you want something or it's not just giggles something where they went for it you know where they got playful they might have just done something crazy you know and they were crazy teenagers you know whatever it was might have been when they were on vacation and they felt like they were anonymous whatever it was find it you'll know you found it when their face lights up like a light bulb like hers did now when you find one of those go back and forth between the two find out just like like I did with with Jeff what's the difference in the size the difference in the location especially with the auditory where does the auditory come from which one is louder and run through now the other thing I want you to do just for the practice of it is once you've found out what the differences are I want you to just go through your list and have them change the thing about flirting right into the one where they were playful when they think about flirting have them think where they most want to be able to flirt in the world and don't and when they think about it change it just like Jeff jump the gun on me but that's what I was going to tell him to do was to simply change it so that what happens is when you think about it you feel the same way that you felt when you were the most part you've ever been do you understand that okay get yourself a partner take about 15 minutes of peace and then meet me back here but the first thing that I find that people who have known gals who spent hours getting all dressed up and all fancy and spent money on clothes and they primp in front of a mirror for hours and then they go out to a place and then they'll sit there like this and if someone comes up to them they turn their head away I know you've seen him everywhere you see guys doing it and gals doing it they'll kind of lean over in a corner by themself and what we tend to think is that they're not interested particularly in us that aren't having any fun or they look unfriendly so the most important thing to remember here is that you have got to be willing to pay attention to the person you're interested in remember fifth grade parties when all the boys were in one side of the room and all the girls were on the other that's what happens a lot of times and boys are over here wishing the girls would come over to them and the girls are over there wishing the boys would come over to them so the first thing that I want to teach you is very obvious and very simple but it's how to show attention to someone and of course it's to look at them give yourself permission to actually look at the person that you're interested in instead of what a lot of us do we look at the person we're not interested in and don't look at the person that we are interested in now I know everybody does that but nobody thinks anybody else does it but themselves if you're a little shy wonderful I love shyness I think nervousness works beautifully when you're flirting particularly a blush so if you shy actually be shy if you would look at someone look at them in the down a little bit and look back out or look at the men look away and then look back or turn your head to the side now these are very simple moves nothing's happening or is it you can tell just by the way that I look I tilt my head I wink most of what I'm doing is I move mandala bit with my head I haven't really changed the position of my body at all we'll get to that later on so this is what I'd like you to do right now just for practice everybody is looking straight ahead I just want you to take your eyes and look over to the side that don't move your head just look off to the side look over here just off to the side look back and pay attention what happens inside your feelings change don't they just a little sideways glance it's a wonderful way to flirt with somebody just keep glancing over that way now for those of you guys so we're sitting next to guys and those are you gals so we're sitting next to gals that's the first mistake you made whenever you go into a meeting room where you'll be sitting in one chair most of the time make sure that you sit next to someone that you want to get to know will make it a lot easier whole lot of seats to choose from so pick one next to someone that you're interested in okay so now I want you to turn around look with your head don't move your body just turn your head now if persons turn their head the other way wait of course do they come back and then look at them and then just nod a lot of people are nervous about smiling and a lot of people smile when they get nervous but the nod works really well it's acknowledgement you have got to be willing to pay attention to the person you're interested otherwise you look aloof and disinterested and the other person feels rejected the easiest thing that I found to tell shy people was that if you treat everybody in the room as if they are more shy than you are so do that now just pretend that everyone in this room is ten times more shy than you ever were and your job is to make them feel comfortable and important that this that flirting is something that everybody is entitled to do it's just for fun can lead to all kinds of things but if you if you never get a chance to meet enough people you'll never really know who you like I know so many guys and so many women that end up with absolutely the wrong person I have a friend that I have had for years he's been married three times to the same woman only in a different body and each time it was the wrong choice and she even looks so much like like well she they looked so much like each other I've called the second two wives by the first wife's name repeatedly people do this we'll say well that's the only person that I ever meet and what actually happens is those the only type of people that ever come over to meet them yes absolutely you're one of these people who sits down and responds only to the people who come over and introduce the so to you I want you to do exactly the opposite I want you to be the one that goes over and introduces yourself because it will open up a whole different range and if any of you have fantasies that about especially I know a lot of women have a thing that they think men don't like women to do that you're wrong yes let a strong right I've asked thousands and thousands of people and the thing is is that you know guys are good at a lot of things going first is not one of them we can change that though in fact 40% of American adults are shy and the majority of that 40% are guys and I've asked over and over again in seminars how many you guys in this room don't want a woman to come over to you once again so far we've only had one guy one guy and he said that he used to not like it but he's changed his mind it must have been something he was said to anyway go ahead run through the exercise and have fun okay and do it this shouldn't take you very long so take about ten minutes apiece okay but the thing is is that when you feel hesitation as a phenomenon in and of itself if if the hesitation itself got you to be propelled into action wouldn't that be nice now this is also something that's not that hard to do we erase that for me but I want to give you an exercise and it's one that I've done in a lot of workshops for a lot of things however for the flirting workshop it couldn't be better designed the thing is is that for people to switch from hesitation to wantnt lee going for something is a bit of a jump so like the thing is is you could take theater and turn it into curiosity that's not so far but when you take things that are diametrically opposed the way you do it is you sneak in through the back door now the thing is is you write hesitation up there so you can take hesitation and very simply take it and turn it into another feeling now for example you could turn you can take hesitation you can turn it into frustration because it usually does that anyway that's easy so you put frustration underneath it now you can take frustration and you can turn that into impatience because that's usually what does anyway I've been waiting in the line in the bank since they made it more convenient and have just one long line instead of a bunch of short ones so that you have the feeling that you're there forever now so impatience now you can take an impatience and you can turn it into the feeling of want and desire you know the kind where you drool out of the corner of your mouth and snarl in your mind paw at the ground so to speak modular Marshall McLuhan has struck here now and you can take one desire and turn it into going for it with these now this is five responses and what I want you to do this time is I want you to make five anchors what I want you to do is to take whatever impatience is left in this person at this point have them think about the situations where they really want to want to play go for it when they flirt because we want to see if you if you think about how many of you tried the things that Dan said all right does anybody hesitate to you can do that get rid of that you don't need that stuff you're here to flirt actually you know I found that flirting if I watch the way a woman flirts and I flirt the way she does she has absolute and undistinguishable green lights she knows what that means instant recognition yeah see otherwise I send out signals may get confused you know they won't know what it'll mean you know they think I'm an axe murderer or something why running weirdo warning all right the thing is you get the idea I mean if you know if if you you look over to woman and you go like that it's pretty clear signal you know if she blesses and her lower lip starts to swell up that's a green light you know if she goes like this but you got to give yourself a chance to find out you know that I know lots and lots of women that have men that you know are responding to them and they don't understand what it's about but usually when they tell me they're doing things like going I just don't know what I might be doing now the thing is is is that it's funny that some of them do those things but they don't do it with the men that they're attracted to they do it with other people when they're thinking about those men it has been known to happen now sure since it's your list I'm gonna let you read it without my glasses you know I maybe I won't do that that's okay at least nobody sat on mine this time says look at the person you're interested in look up and down now I noticed that some of you tried that but there's I want to point out something to you there ain't no hurry that you know when when you look at somebody up and down the thing is this if you look at them you go that that does not fall under the category of what we have in mind and so the thing is is that when you look somebody up and down whether you start at the top or start at the bottom however your preference is that when you do it you want to make sure you let your eyes linger long enough that they see you should be watching her she's one doing it will give you replay on that and the same thing is true if you guys see the thing is is and you know when see I know a lot of guys that when they try to look down their eyes only go so far so I was recommend the guys start at the bottom and work their way up seems to be easier for that when you stop the thing is is to first make eye contact that when you make eye contact and the thing is is you don't have to tilt your head thing is you can just let your eyes go down stop for a minute at their toes and then slowly work your way up and it always helps to wet your lips at the end see most of the things that are on this list you will find work better in combinations and that's what we're going to work towards now the thing that I want you to do right now is I want you to try this I'm going what I'm going to do is have you stand up it'd be a little easier for this way just stand up it's okay okay now but I want you people in the middle just kind of spread out a little bit here though move away to the center I hate it when the cameraman get nervous they yell at me and stuff it was you in particular I was talking to has something to do with that Tolyatti whoever gets to look him over is going to have to take a long time now what I want you to do is just I want you to just stop and I want you to pick somebody it doesn't have to be somebody right next to you and the thing is it's the first thing I want you to do is to make eye contact so when you pick somebody out you start you start by making eye contact once you have her attention then what you do is you start with your eyes and you can either start top to the bottom but when you start first make eye contact and sit down and just linger for a minute and the way to do it is to think of your eyes is a finger so you're going to take your finger and you're going to go like this you're going to take it and just kind of go just like this got this fixed right up here and then go like this of course it works that way too but think of your eyes as being a finger that does that because if you want to deliver an unambiguous message thing is that you don't start at the toe you start right here and you go do it again this is all for the purpose of science so you're going to go down and then you're just going to kind of slowly go up like this and right up across here until it goes like this now the thing is is is that when you combine these things together the way I want you to do it is to just start down there think of your eyes a finger and as it moves up when you go up to the point where you catch their eyes I just simply want you to do something which is another one I hear see where it says mouth okay the thing is is what I'd like you to try is either the licking the lips or biting the bottom lip now writing the bottom lip is very simple it's not this well you see I've done this before I see people you know and they they haven't thought about it for a while but we're going to do some things to tune you up a little bit it's when you when you bite your bottom lip look down just a little and now when you bite your bottom lip look down just a little bit when these are that Orion how to the side or when you get when you get up there instead of biting your lower lip if going try you can try this when when you finally get to start down here and you go all the way up then go you can use your tongue to to do it just shut your golly-gee boy you can use your tongue in your eyes at the same time boy let's see NLP stuff get your all time now I'll tell you what you do is just pick somebody out here and try it and then turn try somebody else just dude you don't have to move around but just take your time and just think of it as moving your finger up it'll keep your eyes from going too fast it makes makes good internal pictures take a few minutes and just try it got effective garnish I think they've got it I think then brought it you're and why turn him down just a little bit in your head there's another one that I thought you might like to try just just as as I found because one of the things I've found is is that that when is that is that the tilt of your body is real important that when you said if you sit from somebody if you sit facing them straight ahead it doesn't give you as much of a chance to be able to create the angles that are flirtatious you're always better off giving yourself about this many degrees from here to there sort of like about 20-25 degree angle very even this yeah well that even gives you more of a choice but when you create that angle if you look over and you go now you want to try that one okay first thing I want you to do is to create angles put a tilt in your shoulder this way right created an angle in your body so that you can tilt your head tilt your shoulder and then just take your finger and slowly bring it across your bottom lip this is this is the one that I like it's so many the blue one if someone turns away from you and you want them to turn back you can just tap them on the shoulder are you my going in yeah I missed you pay attention gotta roll that lower lip okay that's three different moves at once you can do any one of them just turn just just going this it's not a frown its power to path put your lips together one looks down and then lowered no gotta go like you're gonna kiss now lower your lord I think they like this way yeah why do they call these workshops I don't know control yourselves don't get so happy we'll tell you when to be happy now now there's another piece which is that one of the things is is that as soon as you do some initial flirting like that one of the things that that's very helpful is to begin to breathe at the same rate and also if the person speaks listen to the tempo or the voice a lot of people rush into conversations because they're nervous and the faster they talk the more nervous they get that take your time by slowing down and if one of the nicest things to do is after you you make a movement like that if you get any kind of a positive response immediately compliment something about them that you like if you only like 1% of them compliment them on that and be very specific too many people are too general they say you are a very beautiful woman you know well the thing is is that that is a tendency to make people suspicious but if you do pick out the best thing about them or what you think the best thing is comment it look at it and if you can't touch it well the demonstration is I mean for example if somebody has real nice skin and you say to them you go you know I just couldn't help notice that you have such beautiful skin now that particular part especially of a woman's face is extremely sensitive it's it's not that sensitive on a guy because he takes a razor blade every day it slices a layer of it off you know especially with me I had to give safety razors you know these ones with double edges and nylon pads around because I get up in the morning and I'd walk out and it looked like Dracula jumped me in the hallway Kleenex tucked all over my face and stuff shouldn't be left alone with sharp objects like that no I tell you what I want you to do at this point what I want you to do is I want you to take both the skills of this morning and the things that we just taught you and I want you to get into groups of five maybe six and what I want you to do is take turns in pairs and whether you're sitting down or standing up it doesn't matter I want you to flirt and then I want you to compliment the person on something and the the best thing about complimenting someone is you don't have to lie a lot of people make the mistake of picking something that is unattractive about something somebody and lying to them and people aren't pretty good about telling about that you know it's like you know as you walk up to somebody and you know their hair is like this you go gosh yeah beautiful higher good here let me light yours on fire do you need a light no I don't smoke I meant your face now the thing is is that if what I want you to do the rest of you that are in the group I want you to tune the person up to show them how to move gracefully because a lot of us don't know what we look like and some of this is kind of new so that so that their movements are slow they're graceful even if you have to get behind them and tilt their head and move their body around till you see something that looks attractive help them to be tuned up so that they can take just the the sequences that we gave you pick any one of them try it let the other people tune you up tell them things about lowering their tonality getting their tempo so that it looks smooth now we we thought you were doing so well with that that we give you some more well why don't you show them how to flutter eyelids this is one for females it's not that it's this nice little downward I glanced afterwards mm-hmm now oh where did that list go after God this there's ah there's a couple of other good ones and can demonstrate to you running your fingers through your hair lightly it's a nice one like that ah and see now there's two parts to this knot I especially want you guys because I know especially growing up in this country where they train men to be dunces from birth that I mean you know because I mean you know they you know there was a time where people like talked about this kind of stuff you know and kind of knew what was going on there's one where women twirl their hair show them that one right like that and you know and when women do that they look away from you say that's a green light not a red light guys yeah that is I am deliberately not looking at you but I'm paying attention to you see if you move your mouth while you're doing it now there's another one fluff hair that's enough fun the girl should be trying these things here tries that you would you do forget who you were like this all that stretched just like this it says oh it's so hot in here in here well you do make them up don't you put it what does what does I didn't know this one stick fingers and belt is that that's Richard yeah I know but whose belt is Dickerman that's yours remember ain't got no oh my oh you all that realize mm-hmm oh yeah I don't have a belt I can't demonstrate that one I'm keeping that one for myself kissing hands there's a lost art guys that is the favorite that is every time that a man kisses a lady's hand she remembers that and I think you better say that again but their pupils got wide we mount that look in their face like what have you forgotten gals anytime a man ever kissed your hand did you forget Amen you remember everyone you guys listening to this and we want to be remembered or forgotten when you say when you say hello and particularly when you say goodbye remember forgotten remembered which is it see and it's also a nice thing it fits right in with the handshake too because see the nice thing is is that you don't you it's one of those things because I know that women like surprises I know a lot of us guys are terrified of surprises because we've had some that weren't that nice but this is one where you get to give the surprise because when you go in you guys what did you say your name was I am and what would you do my other hand to thank you this is one of the things I've seen and do so many times is she's one of the women in the world that I've watched work for years this is why I told her one time to give up this doing silly therapy groups and teach which she was best at you know she didn't think anybody would ever want to go to a flirting seminar is that's what she told me of course she would have one filled next week but the thing is is that is that whenever an likes the way somebody flirts with her she asks for more now you know if you don't feel like guys pay enough attention to you perhaps you haven't learned that one of the things to do is to ask for more of what you like right and less of what you don't like because if you ask for more of something then when you ask for less of something they'll pay attention to you now this also works for you guys too because the lady flirts with me I go oh I love that do that again do it again but in a hurry huh now I wanted to add a couple of these there's also a couple of other ones there's there's the thing about when you are standing up that went after you shake somebody's hand that you can actually go and put your hand around them and you when you touch women too there's another thing too they're not like a basketball and I you know I you know I've seen some guys put their arm around and hug a woman and I thought she's going to snap into that the one thing is is that you want to be gentle right and you want to make your touch soft and again somewhat ambiguous because remember the difference between flirting is is that maybe you kind of are maybe you kind of aren't so if you if you look too easy there's no challenge left guys and if there's one thing women do like it's a good challenge because if you yeah you know just a little little something so that you know I mean you know if you just kind of give yourself away you have to learn to play again a little bit of come away closer so that even when you do something nice like that that you pull back a little bit right find out if they come forward that even when you're sitting and talking to them if you keep leaning more and more forward and producing their chair fall over backwards that again learn to just take your time slow down and pull back now there are in the back here some little little tricks for example one of the things that I found is always extremely effective is pet names so you should always use the person's name as much as possible but I quickly shift from somebody's name to using nicknames with them that you know it's one thing you know to touch somebody on the nose it's another to touch them on the nose and go hey princess how you doing yes ma'am this is turning this into a singles bar oh yeah that's by the way good point is is that the exchanging phone numbers is a good idea I mean you know because that way you give a chance to call them again you know it's I know lots of people lots of times guys and women will meet each other and they feel that it's too forward to ask for that so they never see the person again you know and then they can say well she probably wouldn't have liked me anyway well you never know until you try the thing is is that there's so many people in the world that are worried about being rejected think about it this way at least if you try right if you try a whole mess of times you're bound to statistically increase the number of people you connect with if not the kind of people that that when you ask think of it instead of as putting your self-esteem on the line think of it just as pure flattery that it's not question of whether you get the phone number or not it's a way of flattering someone so whether they say yes or no doesn't matter when they say yes then you get to feel flattered too it's a win-win situation now what I'd like to do is I'd like to show you another way of making an anchor go to come here there's nothing to be nervous about see I always like to let people volunteer on their own yeah now the thing is is okay step number one is to take the most positive state that you can find inside of what you've been doing here so I'm here flirting with people you seem to be doing pretty good I was watching him was it fun kinda gonna play coy with you'll get into my eyes the old Svengali approach I was out with somebody the other night and he's a hypnotist and he we were talking about hypnosis and this waitress in a place that well nobody could put me in a trance and he turned around and not to her arrest into a trance so fast you wouldn't believe it there he is by the way just happened to show up at that moment wouldn't look at his eyes after that anymore knew it was in the eyes saw to manys then golly movies yeah you can just sit that up over there would you I have a job for you Todd okay now the thing is is what I want you to do is to close your eyes and I want you to think about when you felt the best the most comfortable and we're having the most fun when you were flirting here okay see what you saw at the time and just go back to it do you begin to get the feelings back right now what I want you to do is I want you to start by taking the picture in your mind and I want you to make it bigger that's right and bicker a little bit bigger there you go now what I want you to do is I want you to move the picture closer or further away and find out which one makes you feelings even get stronger when you find the one that makes your feelings get stronger move it to a place where it intensifies that feeling even more now do the same thing with the volume of the sound lets you back and hear the sound turn the volume up and down till you find the perfect pitch the one that makes you feel that even more there you go now I want you to do the same thing with the brightness of the image take the brightness of the image turn it up and turn it down till you find just the right place there you go get better all the time okay now that's just an example your sub modality list is a little longer but you can run it through and build up even more and what you're doing is each time you watch the person and you see a change in them where you see them begin to glow even more because the one thing that is really irresistible in this world are the people that just glow they radiate and I mean the times where you just felt so good that you radiated were the times that people were just attracted to you you know I mean when you when you're in wow those moods where you're forget man you know you know yeah oh won't you sit down you know people look at you and go but the times where you really radiate now what I want you to do is to be able to build an anchor and if you notice what I built was an anchor that got a little bit bigger each time so what I did is I started with a spot and each time she made a change where what I saw was a change where she began to glow even more than what I did is I took the anchor and I made it a little bit bigger all right now unconscious minds are certain if t because they get the hang of this real fast right to the point where if you make it even bigger it just starts changing that stuff all by itself so say I can do this I've been doing this for years we didn't even know about it I'll pay now the next thing to do with that anchor is to begin to attach it to something now what I want you to do is to think of the 30 moves that that you read on the list or you've seen other people do or the ones we did here the one that you would like to be able to do the best or a combination okay I want you to just stop and I want you to see yourself to it your mind okay got it okay now what I want you to do is to switch so you're inside that picture seeing what you'd see if you actually did it right now there you go how's that feel for the honesty in this group is overwhelming no no you would what to do no no what you do is you what you do is you take your finger say you put your finger write it again pick your finger right there now watch this I want you to look at this guy right there just look down right and then just pull it up like this but you have to look at him while you do it pull it up at your own speed and just look at them and once you take your other hand and go like this yeah yeah just tilt your shoulder a little bit now thing is is now what the next thing to do and the last step is is inside of the groups because I want you I don't want you to get such big groups this time don't make them too big or this will take forever I want you first to sit down with with another person and build the anchor they then get together in groups of four or five or six and what I want you to do is to try the three things that you'd most like and as you try them just take your own finger and pull it up your knee like that so that you incur the feeling to the behavior so that you're going to glow while you do it am I getting through to you see in other words first first thing you're trying to accomplish here is to build an anchor by amplifying the best state they have and making it stronger and stronger then you want to take that anchor and to attach it to the actual behaviors of flirting now once did do that a couple of times then what will happen is the activity of flirting will make them feel that way so instead of flirting becoming something that's awkward or uncomfortable it's something that's going to make you glow which is the way you should do it if we're going to flirt you might as well glow while you do it makes sense doesn't it good then I want you to get yourself a partner establish your anchor then get into small groups and attach it to three flirting behaviors okay go for it thank you now the thing is is that there's a lot of things and a lot of times when I do seminars like this that when people leave them that they they go back to wherever their real lives are back to their hotel room they forget to take with them the skills they acquired that you know it's one thing to do it here in the controlled environment that's why it is essential that you do your homework tonight now your homework tonight is to make sure that you flirt with three people who are not in this seminar now the thing is is keeping in mind that you have that you have an anchor you have a way of changing your mood so that you really feel like flirting you have an anchor so that when you turn around you can make yourself glow and you have some skills about what to do blow somebody's mind out just to watch it pop that so when you come back here tomorrow you are ripe and ready now there is one other piece that I thought I should cover the thing is is that when since this room is small and there's a lot of chairs in there that one of the things that we really didn't get a chance to talk about is walking now the thing is is that there's there's something that I always do with myself that when when I'm going to think about flirting the first thing I do is I make sure that the internal voice inside my head seduces me into it so that you take your own internal dialogue and lower the voice and make it sexy I mean I even have a female voice in my head that's just Richard isn't that woman attractive over there yeah yes yeah I know it is my mother has got my mother's got to be one of the all-time flirts to the century I mean I took my I took my mother out to dinner I hadn't seen her in a long time and she came down and I took her out to a fancy French restaurant and I'll never forget this was about this is about six years ago and you know my mother came down the stairs where I was living at the time in a yellow miniskirt with a red tights better on a white patent leather boots and false eyelashes that you could hang a cane on my mother picked up one of my friends and didn't come home that night and I heard the next day that they went down to a bar and she got everybody in a rock and roll bar to stop and sing old songs she had sat stood on the bar and led them all in songs for four hours that's two hours after the place was closed now of course having somebody like that subtle bring you up one of the things one of the things that my mother talking a long time ago was that when you walk if you if you want to walk in a way that makes people notice you place music inside your head and you strut to it now I thought for the sake of brevity here that what I do is I help you I'd pick a piece of music now what I want you to do is that I know many of you ladies in here probably watched and walked across the room never a wasted move is there now where'd you go get back over there nobody rides for free here so poor guys lets me know he's a piano player put them to work okay now the thing is is to start with a baseline in your mind what I want you to do is just listen to the bass line this is called a walking bass line now that's called the drum just play the bass line you now the thing is when you walk you watch half the speech of what you're listening to and just put that in your mind what I want you to do is inside your head your god I want you to put a mild growl lady just her feel talents on the end of your fingers close your eyes do this I'm not kidding put yourself in the right mood when you're going to have fun you might as well so to speak go all the way I want you to keep that in your mind so that when you get ready to make your moves you can start by playing that in your head and when you do I want you to remember everything you learned here so that when you go out to do your homework you can strut out to do it so that wherever you are whatever you're doing you put something in your head so that when you're doing those things that you do to get ready when you get dressed and you do I mean women have courage man they'll pluck their guts out the other scene never seen anything like it in my life say one nasty word to them that burst into tears and you think if these people are supposed to be which if this thing or while this thing I ever saw me I can't even watch it you know they do that my eye hurts ah but while you're doing that stuff get yourself ready put that tune in your mind and keep it going so that when you're ready you put yourself in the mood think about the times you enjoyed flirting make the pictures big and bright if you're making expectations make expectations about what you'll do not about what will happen it's a lot easier that way now what is all this about anyhow yesterday Richard knighted flirting some of it was outrageous wasn't I mean much more forward then most of us would do or not and then today we're actually asking you to ask for what you want to go inside and find out what it is that you really like we're asking you to make contact with people that you may not on first impression ever even walk over to either because you were very very attracted to them and you might tend to stay away for that reason or because you didn't think that you were attracted to them and you might stay away for that reason and they're both very similar you tend to believe in this myth about love at first sight going about some enchanted evening you will see a stranger you will see a stranger across a crowded room and somehow you know you know even then is that true creat hope it's true but can we create it the song goes on to say you will hear the sound of his laughter in your dreams if you don't walk across that crowded room that's the only place you'll hear the sound of his laughter what we want you to do is to be the one who walks across the crowded room first and when you get there be in the joyous space inside of yourself that will help and promote someone being there with you and actually induce that in there that's what we're talking how many of you as you did this exercise we're able to actually create for yourself by asking and by molding someone to do what you liked how many of you achieve that what's that a surprise didn't really make a lot of difference whether this was somebody that you were tracted to or someone that you didn't think you were attracted to or where most of us are with each other in the middle because that's where friendship is it's in the middle perhaps we might not ever be able to be friends with someone that we're wildly attracted to because we might stay away from them we might also stay away from people who don't meet our type visually or don't look friendly these people may be the ones who could be your very best friend so think about each of you have best friends in the world when you met that person who's your best friend did you know instantly was it friendship at first sign there's no song about that so we don't have that myth we know that friendship develops would it be wonderful if male-female relationships if love also the thought of is something that develops over a period of time would it be freeing to know that if the only purpose that you had when you met someone was that you wanted to have a joyous interchange with them well as possible for those of you who learned how to create in someone that which you may have been holding in your memory or your minds off to actually take it out through the use of sub modalities and create it out here you now have some magic and you can use it anywhere what I would like is two people to come up here and be two people who were doing the exercise and share with us what happened show us who wants to do that okay sure right here what happened can I sit here oh you are let's see what happened for me in justing the women the way I wanted them when they when they get the if the hose or the the month it was usually motion that I wanted miss irresistible it is there exists a thrill so what you're saying is that you could take almost anyone you know of this crowd and do that again I would think so yeah you would think so okay well we could ask you to choose and of course if you chose we wouldn't get to know if this is someone that you're wrong or if it's someone that you may never think was your type at all I won't tell I promise you won't tell watch the nostrils so will you pick such a person right now sure let's see I think they the blonde woman here just it's just so just a new thank you will you come that's good or laughing my name is Joe hi I'm hello Oh yawn yep let's put this mic over here so she can hear - let's see I think what I would do first Suzanne is have you uncross your legs and I think maybe yeah there we go let's see and there's a if you can imagine that time when you were just waking up in the morning and you felt totally totally comfortable and relaxed maybe after having been with somebody that you really really thats great yeah and just just sort of you can imagine that I promise I could tell okay yeah just just just be that relaxed and when you're that relaxed think about how your face is relaxed and you just calm now when you're waking up like that totally comfortable how to use how do you talk let me hear how you how you talk what might you say what's your name yeah Wow hey hi so you're just waking up and you would say hi hi yeah said it it would be slower and more resonant okay why don't you say it for her exactly the way you want okay it would be hi Joe how you doing hi Joe how are you doing and slower hi Joe okay so so with that kind of relaxed no relax so relax what does it kind of relax and then you would be if with that with that with that kind of tonality with that kind of tonality and and relaxation then you might if you were going to say something you might just touch me you know just a little bit just like that hi Joe how are you doing I'm much better yeah and I think you'd be like I was right thank you you're gonna stay relaxed again I'll take a deep breath yeah breathing breathing softer and breathing from down down lower yeah I tell how you doing then I would this is the challenge to be in this awesome there's a there's this facial relaxation that just comes from being being waking up yeah yeah that's the best that's the best memory waking up in the morning being totally drenched just alone yeah you're doing kick stretch and like if you have do you know do you remember what your sheets feel like at home mm-hmm you remember how that feels like first thing in the morning thank you you're getting two for one yeah hi Joe how are you doing except in the morning nobody is gonna be going left it would be still yeah I think we'd be closed as well yeah and touching on to me I want you to give him exactly what I was asking for he still wants it it's not wanted he wants this that was good and I guess if you can allow your I'm really into morning table I'm a lawyer a lot just allow your eyes to be a little more relaxed and I'll just allow you allow your pace to to just yeah okay yeah just about it just allow that to slow you down yeah and see your eyes are softer and that's much more attractive to me it's a bigot softer I can't smell is it when I smile smiling isn't that necessary I mean after their weight very specific isn't it yeah okay they're not when they're not soft earnest yeah yeah the eyes I don't need to be seeing a lot of pearly whites you know just just having soft eyes and there's that is that there's a look at this looking right into my eyes yeah yeah yeah said it that'll do that'll do yeah now what do you imagine what happened since she knows exactly what he wants and is giving it to him what do you imagine would happen if we were to ask her now what it is oh you all do know it wouldn't happen what it is that she wants and if we can ask her to have him do it now that I know what he wants yeah especially now that I know whoa dynamics have changed already because of this so now well we'll just do what you two do you know think of something like you want after all it I want a big hug you got it will show him exactly how okay huh that's that exactly how you wanted right can I have a mic give me the knives exactly how you want it now and if there's anything that you want him to say our way that you want him to look then ask for that too we've already done we'll do it again exactly do you want him to reach out and hug you first okay let's do this shuffle a big round of applause yeah

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